“Don’t make yourself small for anyone. Be the awkward, funny, intelligent, beautiful little weirdo that you are. Don’t hold back. Weird it out.” ~Unknown
You know that moment when you’re mid-conversation, and your brain throws up a flashing neon sign that says, “Abort mission! Abort mission!”
Meanwhile, you’re left replaying your words like a bad karaoke performance, cringing at every note.
Or when you’re swiping through dating profiles and mutter, “Why does everyone here look like they’re auditioning for a toothpaste ad?” We’ve all been there. Here’s the thing… we’re so darn busy trying to present a polished, “perfect” version of ourselves that we forget to actually be ourselves, and that’s where the magic happens. Really!
Authenticity isn’t just some woo-woo concept; it’s scientifically proven to make you more magnetic! When you show up as the real you, things start to shift—in a good way. Let’s ditch the awkwardness and get real, like, laugh-at-your-own-texts and wear-mismatched-socks real.
A few years ago, I found myself staring at my reflection, frustrated by the need to always have it all together.
I’d perfected the art of appearing confident, but inside, I felt disconnected from myself, from others, and even from love. That’s when it hit me—my constant reacting to situations, trying to please people, and molding myself into what I thought would be attractive was working against me.
First, I stopped reacting and started being proactive. Instead of waiting for people to validate me, I took ownership of how I wanted to show up.
I made sure my actions matched my words. (That’s the true definition of authenticity after all.)
If I said I valued deep connections, I wasn’t going to hide behind small talk anymore.
If I said I was looking for a meaningful relationship, I wasn’t going to waste my time with people who were just looking for something casual.
Then, I gave my dating profile a reality check. No more vague “I love travel, laughter, and good company” fluff.
I got specific about who I was, the good, the quirky, and the deal breakers. I made it easy for the wrong matches to filter themselves out before we even got to the first date.
The result? Instead of random, lukewarm connections, I started attracting men who actually got me…
Me! The real me! Men who read my profile and thought, “Yes! This is my kind of woman.”
And you know what? It worked. (Insert my no rhythm happy dance)
My advice? Get clear on your ‘you-ness.’ What makes you you? Is it your laugh-snort combo? The way you know every word to a nineties boy band song? Whatever it is, own it.
Authenticity isn’t about being flawless; it’s about being aligned with your values and showing up in a way that feels true. Vanessa Van Edwards calls it your “connection currency,” and trust me, it’s priceless.
Think of your values as your personal Wi-Fi signal. The stronger it is, the more clearly the right people will find and connect with you. No buffering needed.
Jot down three values you live by, whether that’s kindness, humor, or never skipping dessert. Now ask yourself: Am I living them loud and proud, or are they stuck in airplane mode?
Ever felt like you’re auditioning for America’s Got Talent on a first date?
Nobody’s handing out trophies for Most Impressive Overthinker. The harder you try to impress, the more disconnected you’ll feel. People connect with realness, not rehearsed lines or “look-how-cool-I-am” antics.
The right people don’t need you to dazzle them. They need you to make them feel comfortable. So, lean into being a little awkward; it’s endearing.
Remember, connection over perfection!
Next time you’re meeting someone new, replace “What if they don’t like me?” with “What if I don’t like them?” Now you’re the main character. How good does that feel!
Here’s a fun fact: Your body language speaks before you do. Slouching and crossing your arms? You might as well wear a sign that says, “Don’t talk to me.” Meanwhile, open, confident body language says, “I’m approachable, and I know where the snacks are.”
Master the “power pose” before any big moment. Stand tall, hands on hips, channel your inner superhero. Two minutes, and you’ll feel unstoppable (or at least like you can handle small talk).
Nobody connects over surface-level fluff. People want stories that make them feel something, whether it’s a belly laugh or an “OMG, me too” moment. Share the time you accidentally texted your boss instead of your crush or how you once tried to “play it cool” and tripped over your own feet. Vulnerability wins.
Vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing. It means inviting someone into your world, not dragging them into your emotional baggage claim.
If you’re ever in doubt, ask yourself: Would I enjoy hearing this story? If yes, share away. If no, maybe save it for your diary.
Perfection is overrated. (And exhausting, to be honest.) Did you spill coffee on your shirt before a date? Laugh about it. Did you accidentally wave at someone who wasn’t waving at you? Congratulations, you’re human. Studies (and common sense) show that people find you more relatable when you own your imperfections.
Think of your quirks as your personal brand. The spilled coffee? That’s your logo. The laugh-snort? Your tagline. Embrace it. It’s unforgettable.
My first attempt at online dating was like trying to start a campfire in the rain—awkward, messy, and definitely not warm. My profile had over-filtered photos (hello, Insta face!) and a bio that could’ve been written by an HR bot. It attracted matches, sure, but none who actually matched me. I was looking for MY person.
Then I stopped trying to be someone else and just showed up as myself: goofy, outdoorsy, and a little obsessed with Nutella. My bio became a reflection of my real personality, and my photos were candid moments that made me smile. It worked. The real, authentic matches started rolling in… real, warm, lovely men! Yes, they exist.
Showing up as your true self doesn’t mean you’ll click with everyone, and that’s the point. Authenticity isn’t about being liked by the masses; it’s about finding your people (or your person) who love you for you.
So, go ahead, wear the mismatched socks, tell the terrible joke, and let your quirks shine. Because when you’re real, the right people don’t just notice you; they remember you.
Because your quirks aren’t just lovable… they’re magnetic.
About Kristina Michaels
Kristina is a London-based dating coach who helps women over thirty-five find meaningful, authentic connections. Using her years of experience in the insurance industry (where strategy and problem-solving were key), she applied the same logic to her love life, redefining her values and studying hundreds of books on personal development and relationships. Within weeks of embracing her authentic self, she met her soulmate. Now, Kristina empowers others to approach dating with clarity, strategy, and heartfelt guidance. Visit her at www.LoveWovenCoaching.com and get her free guide here.
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